Now, in days past, I could easily make the drive in 8 hours flat, with one quick stop to fill up on diesel fuel and to get some snacks. After Brad came into the picture, it became a struggle to keep up with that time--I mean, seriously? Who needs to stop twice in 8 hours to pee?!? Well, enter a potty-trained 3-year old who luuuuuuvs to drink water. 8 hours behind the wheel and we're still in freakin' South Carolina. This kid is really cramping my driving style.
In all sincerity, we are truly lucky that Ben is as good in the car as he is. He doesn't have to have the DVD player on--he would mostly prefer to color or just look out the window. And have snacks....with water. So, when we were just north of Columbia, SC, I saw the crotch-grab and heard those dreaded words..."Mommy--I have to pee pee." (Am I a horrible mother for rolling my eyes and asking him if he's serious? We're already making terrible time here...)
Next exit on the right, there was one lonely Exxon station in the midst of gravel and rows of corn. Brad took him in with the preemptive pep talk about only going in there to use the bathroom and no, there will be no purchase of candy, toys, etc. As I was sitting in the driver's seat, I saw Brad's head in the window as he approached the door...and no Ben in sight. Come to find out, he was distracted by the NASCAR keychains--who wouldn't be? Brad reminded him that we were only there to pee...but then...there is was.
THE Shooter Gun Jelly Beans.
Ben calls every gun a "shooter gun" and apparently this was a toy gun with jelly beans inside. I didn't see it with my own eyes, but when Brad finally dragged Ben away from it, kicking and screaming, through tears and sobs, Ben told me it was a Shooter Gun Jelly Beans and you could literally shoot jelly beans into your mouth. Awesome.
We finally got him settled down and arrived safely in NC at my parents for Ashley's graduation weekend. But we hadn't heard the last of the SGJB. I saw the perfect opportunity for a bribe--I mean, reward for good behavior...Ben had to sit through Ashley's graduation ceremony and if he was a good listener for the rest of the weekend, we would stop to get the SGJB on the way back to Florida.
The end of our trip rolled around, and by then, the whole family had heard about this amazing gun that shoots candy into your mouth. We packed the car, said our goodbyes, and headed south back to the Sunshine State.
I thought I remembered which exit it was. Through my highly-sharpened detective skills, I recalled that we stopped right before a rest area south of Charlotte--I remembered this because I had thought to myself "if you had just waited a few more miles, there would have been a toy-free rest area for us to use"...
Well, we were coming up on an exit, and I just knew it was the one. BUT...I had 2 tractor trailers to my right and 2 sleeping boys in the backseat. I only had a few seconds to deliberate...and I kept on driving. I quickly regretted my decision, got hot and nervous...and looked for a way to make a U-turn to go back. Alas, there wasn't one.
As soon as Ben woke up, he had to use the bathroom. Perfect--we'll stop and I'm sure they have some crappy--I mean, AMAZING--toys with candy. Thumbs down. But they did have chips. Success...kind of.
Ben then enlightened us on exactly what we were questing for and where we could find it...the SGJB could be found at, and I quote, "the pee pee store." I guess that all those times we stopped at gas stations to "go pee pee" have taken their toll on him...and he now associates gas stations with urination. So, they are now Pee Pee Stores and you can buy Shooter Gun Jelly Beans there.
We regained our composure after laughing hysterically--WITH him, not AT him--and got back on 95. Next stop? Dinner. Brad ran in to the Pee Pee Store while we went through the conjoined drive-thru. Thumbs down.
One last chance...we were just south of Jacksonville and Ben had to make one last pit stop. At this point, it had become my maternal mission to find this damn SGJB. We ran in to the gas station, Ben was holding himself and crossing his legs because he was about to wet his pants...but, by God, we were going to see if they had it. And...they did!! Granted, it wasn't the same exact one he saw a few days earlier--this one shoots bubbles and has gumballs, and Brad swears it's way cooler--but who gives a crap?! We found it!!
Ben was happy and all was right with the road-tripping world...we didn't have to stop at any more Pee Pee Stores and we made it home...after 9 hours and 23 minutes.
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