Wednesday, April 28, 2010

In the Eye of the Beholder

By now, you all know that Ben finds a direct correlation between princesses and dresses...and I have to admit that I love that even in a maternity dress he still thinks I'm beautiful...well, sometimes he does.

We were watching TV last Saturday morning (shocker) while Brad was out playing golf, and a commercial for Playtex 18-hour bras came on. Ben was walking towards his train table in the next room when he stopped to stare at the TV [insert brake-screeching halt here]. I paused, skeptically waiting to see how/if he would react to the scantily clad, well-endowed woman on the screen. And he did.

"Ooo, Mommy--I like that."

Uh...how to react how to react what to say what to say...?

"Uh...bud? What do you like about...it?"

He simply said, "She's beautiful."

Well, this just blows the theory that only princesses in dresses are beautiful, but whatever. That was all that was said, so I figured we were finished with that semi-awkward and fully-hilarious parent/exploratory-child interaction.

And then a Diurex commercial came on. You know which one I'm talking about? There is a blond woman, during that 'unfortunate time of the month' who can miraculously fit into her skinny jeans, thanks to the anti-water weight pills...you're amazing Diurex!

"Ooo, Mommy--I like her." (You knew it was coming)

So, I asked again--now incredibly curious as to my son's standard of beauty--I mean, this lady had her clothes on, so what made her so pretty?

"She's beautiful."

I then began to question my own beauty, so I went out on a limb, assuming I knew the sweet answer.

"Hey, bud--is Mommy beautiful?"

He took one look at my Piggly Wiggly t-shirt and pink Soffe shorts and gave me the negative headshake. Well, crap.

But fear not, fair readers. We were getting ready to go to the bank later that morning so I grabbed a stretchy-waisted skirt and was getting ready to change into a t-shirt that didn't have dried chocolate ice cream on it and Ben saw me in my room...and gave me these priceless words of encouragement, complete with a thumbs-up.

"You're almost beautiful, Mommy!"

Almost only counts in hand grenades and horseshoes, kid. Thanks for nothin'.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

My son, the Pick Pocket

I'm apologizing in advance if you are the owner of any of these items. If you are, just let me know and I will gladly return them to their rightful owners.



Having said that, I find it quite amusing that Ben has accumulated this little collection. Note: I am not, in any way, shape or form, encouraging thievery...nor am I making excuses for my child...but I really don't think he's necessarily stealing these things. He's simply finding them...and placing them safely in his pocket until he gets home rather than turning them over to the proper authorities.

I first noticed this little "problem" when I would find tiny plastic beads...he calls them "gold" and is quite proud of his shiny little treasures. It didn't take long to figure out that these belonged to some sort of craft lesson at school. (Again, Ms. Cathy and Ms. Monique...I apologize and will be returning them to you immediately.) I thought that maybe he was just finding them and pocketing them...but then came the hair accessories.

The first barrette was one of those little plastic ones that look like a bow. (It's not pictured above--Ben probably swiped it again.) The second one seems like someone might really miss it--it's obviously a birthday bow, complete with a plastic slice of cake, nice purple ribbon intertwined with another white ribbon that has now faded but used to say "Happy Birthday!" I feel really bad about this one, so if you or someone you know is missing this bow, speak up.

Then there's the shiny silver pencil. I mean, looking at it, I can see how it would be hard to resist. And the tiny tea kettle? Who wouldn't want one of those?

I have to give my son props for recognizing the value in a Carolina blue, plastic wristband...although I was unaware that Friendship Week needed its own mass-produced accessories...regardless, he picked this one up at a playground, too, along with a random screw...I'm just hoping that screw wasn't holding a swingset together...

The latest addition to the stash is a random earring that Ben found on the playground with Ms. Monique. He asked me why I haven't worn it yet. I didn't really have the heart to tell him that I just didn't want some random person's ear fungus...so I made the mistake of telling him that I couldn't wear just one earring--I needed the pair...duh. (As soon as I said it, I realized that his mission now will be to find me another earring to wear with it. Ladies, protect your earlobes...)

So, while I never know what Ben will come home with in his little pockets, I have to be thankful that at least it's not as bad as Brad leaving his permanent markers in his pockets--I'd rather find a plastic green bead in the bottom of the washer because that won't ruin my favorite pair of Nike Dri Fit golf shorts...