In the Eye of the Beholder

By now, you all know that Ben finds a direct correlation between princesses and dresses...and I have to admit that I love that even in a maternity dress he still thinks I'm beautiful...well, sometimes he does.

We were watching TV last Saturday morning (shocker) while Brad was out playing golf, and a commercial for Playtex 18-hour bras came on. Ben was walking towards his train table in the next room when he stopped to stare at the TV [insert brake-screeching halt here]. I paused, skeptically waiting to see how/if he would react to the scantily clad, well-endowed woman on the screen. And he did.

"Ooo, Mommy--I like that."

Uh...how to react how to react what to say what to say...?

"Uh...bud? What do you like about...it?"

He simply said, "She's beautiful."

Well, this just blows the theory that only princesses in dresses are beautiful, but whatever. That was all that was said, so I figured we were finished with that semi-awkward and fully-hilarious parent/exploratory-child interaction.

And then a Diurex commercial came on. You know which one I'm talking about? There is a blond woman, during that 'unfortunate time of the month' who can miraculously fit into her skinny jeans, thanks to the anti-water weight pills...you're amazing Diurex!

"Ooo, Mommy--I like her." (You knew it was coming)

So, I asked again--now incredibly curious as to my son's standard of beauty--I mean, this lady had her clothes on, so what made her so pretty?

"She's beautiful."

I then began to question my own beauty, so I went out on a limb, assuming I knew the sweet answer.

"Hey, bud--is Mommy beautiful?"

He took one look at my Piggly Wiggly t-shirt and pink Soffe shorts and gave me the negative headshake. Well, crap.

But fear not, fair readers. We were getting ready to go to the bank later that morning so I grabbed a stretchy-waisted skirt and was getting ready to change into a t-shirt that didn't have dried chocolate ice cream on it and Ben saw me in my room...and gave me these priceless words of encouragement, complete with a thumbs-up.

"You're almost beautiful, Mommy!"

Almost only counts in hand grenades and horseshoes, kid. Thanks for nothin'.

My son, the Pick Pocket

I'm apologizing in advance if you are the owner of any of these items. If you are, just let me know and I will gladly return them to their rightful owners.



Having said that, I find it quite amusing that Ben has accumulated this little collection. Note: I am not, in any way, shape or form, encouraging thievery...nor am I making excuses for my child...but I really don't think he's necessarily stealing these things. He's simply finding them...and placing them safely in his pocket until he gets home rather than turning them over to the proper authorities.

I first noticed this little "problem" when I would find tiny plastic beads...he calls them "gold" and is quite proud of his shiny little treasures. It didn't take long to figure out that these belonged to some sort of craft lesson at school. (Again, Ms. Cathy and Ms. Monique...I apologize and will be returning them to you immediately.) I thought that maybe he was just finding them and pocketing them...but then came the hair accessories.

The first barrette was one of those little plastic ones that look like a bow. (It's not pictured above--Ben probably swiped it again.) The second one seems like someone might really miss it--it's obviously a birthday bow, complete with a plastic slice of cake, nice purple ribbon intertwined with another white ribbon that has now faded but used to say "Happy Birthday!" I feel really bad about this one, so if you or someone you know is missing this bow, speak up.

Then there's the shiny silver pencil. I mean, looking at it, I can see how it would be hard to resist. And the tiny tea kettle? Who wouldn't want one of those?

I have to give my son props for recognizing the value in a Carolina blue, plastic wristband...although I was unaware that Friendship Week needed its own mass-produced accessories...regardless, he picked this one up at a playground, too, along with a random screw...I'm just hoping that screw wasn't holding a swingset together...

The latest addition to the stash is a random earring that Ben found on the playground with Ms. Monique. He asked me why I haven't worn it yet. I didn't really have the heart to tell him that I just didn't want some random person's ear fungus...so I made the mistake of telling him that I couldn't wear just one earring--I needed the pair...duh. (As soon as I said it, I realized that his mission now will be to find me another earring to wear with it. Ladies, protect your earlobes...)

So, while I never know what Ben will come home with in his little pockets, I have to be thankful that at least it's not as bad as Brad leaving his permanent markers in his pockets--I'd rather find a plastic green bead in the bottom of the washer because that won't ruin my favorite pair of Nike Dri Fit golf shorts...

The Secret's Out!

Well, now that I don't have to keep being preggers a secret anymore...I can post a few things that I have been documenting during these past 12 weeks...

* I stand by my statement that the MAN who coined the phrase "morning sickness" should be shot. A coworker of mine suggested that we've had it all wrong--it's supposed to be "mourning sickness." Makes a little more sense.

* I don't know how I got through my first pregnancy without an iPhone. Seriously. The "What to Expect" app is fan-flippin-tastic. It gives me day-to-day updates on what fruit my little baby is closest to in size and also helpful tidbits of info.

* Things I have been craving/able to keep down: bean burritos, char-grilled cheeseburgers, chicken noodle soup, freeze pops and ice cream. Oh, and pickles. And Cadbury caramel eggs.

* I already have a feeling that Little Bean is a girl. (Sidenote shout-out to Ali for the nickname. Holla!) Call me crazy, but I am just throwing out my prediction now. I almost went out on a limb and ordered nursery bedding that is soooo not gender-neutral. But I fought the urge.

* I really want to find out the sex of the baby this time. Brad? Not so much. Still working on this one...

* Ben is absolutely adorable already--he talks to the baby, says he hopes it feels better and that he wants it to "come out soon." Then he gets frustrated that it won't talk back to him.

* Awesome places where I have thrown up: in my car, in the front yard, at work, in a beautiful cabin in Georgia. ;-) Brad takes the prize for throwing up on the actual hiking trail in Georgia...I think he just wanted to show me up.

* I am already in maternity clothes. All you mommies out there who have had more than one little bambino were absolutely right--you show soooo much faster with the second one...and I am welcoming my spandex-waisted pants whole-heartedly.

And last, but not least...

* We are so freakin' excited. :D

Stay tuned!

Hail to the Chief

Outside of Ben's classroom, there is a dry-erase board on which Ms. Cathy and Ms. Monique post things that parents need to know. There's a schedule for when they have P.E., what day show-and-tell will be and then there's usually a paragraph letting parents know what the kids did that day.

In their studies about the continents and their respective countries, they have moved on from Asia and are now discussing Africa and its 54 countries. (I think that's right--I'm even learning stuff from the board.) I wish I had been there to witness this firsthand...

Today, we learned more about Africa. When asking the children if they knew where Morocco was, one student said, "In the White House!" Apparently, our President's name is Morocco Bama.

Baby Got Back

"Mommy--Aiden said 'poopy butt'...but I don't say 'poopy butt' because that's not a nice word."

Nice try, kid--you just said it twice.

We have reached the stage where Ben is exploring his verbal boundaries and expanding his vocabulary...and it's amazing some of the things our little parrot has picked up on...either at home or on the playground.

"Poopy butt" was the word of the day (insert Pee-Wee's-Playhouse-type screaming here) for quite some time...and every day when I picked him up from school, I would get to hear about how Aiden had said "poopy butt" and how he's not supposed to say "poopy butt" and right, Mommy? isn't "poopy butt" a bad word?

We tried to not really react to it, because all the books and experts say that kids are just looking for some kind of reaction--so, we just tried to subsitute that with "bottom" or "heiny"...and it really has worked...until now.

Ben came home yesterday and announced, with his silly little grin and furrowed brow..."Mommy? You know, you know, you know what Maddox says? He says 'buttocks.'"

Apparently, my kid has become a reformed offender, and now he's the bad-word hall monitor. (Trust me--I can't get away with saying "Oh my gosh!" without a stern reprimanding from Ben..."Uh, Mommy--we don't say 'oh my gosh'...we say 'oh my goodness.'" He's right.)

Uh...the books in all their infinite wisdom don't really tell you what to say when your 3-year old comes home with a very medically technical term for his rearend...so I just had to wing it.

"You know what, Ben? You can just say 'gluteus maximus' if you want to!"

The confused look on his face tells me that we'll just be sticking with "heiny" for now.

En Garde!

Well, he did it! He got his 10th star this morning, and has FINALLY received the coveted pirate sword. (I think the faux leather tassels distracted him from the fact that it doesn't look like the pirate sword from Peter Pan.)

Here's how it went down...I told him last night that I had the sword, ready to give to him, and all he had to do was to stay in his bed until the sun came up. He went to bed, and I thought I would try something different...risky to mess with a sleeping child, I know, but I thought that if I tried to wake him up to use the potty at 11pm, that might reset his sleep pattern and then he would sleep longer. Well, whatever it was...he slept until 5am!

When he came into our room, I reminded him that he was only about 2 hours away from getting the sword. He didn't seem to care--he just wanted to 'nuggle with Daddy...which is incredibly adorable, but I had to remain focused!! No cutie-patootie-ness was going to distract me from the finish line that we were sooooo close to crossing...I wanted him to get that last star more than he did.

So, I pulled out the big guns.

"Ben--do you want to see the sword?"

Well, that perked his interest right up. (I'll leave out the fact that I asked Brad to go out to my car to get the sword and his response was "Are you kidding me?" so I had to throw on my Uggs and head on out to retrieve it from my trunk...again, I'll leave that part out.) When I got back in from the freezing Florida pre-dawn air and showed it to Ben, exclaiming how cool this thing was, his first reaction was "Awh...it's not gold." Of course it's not. I should have known he wanted a gold one. So, I did what any other sleep-deprived, desperate parent would have done--I lied. "Of course it is, Sweetie--you just can't see it because it's dark. And look! It has tassels!"

It took a little more coaxing and promising that he could have the sword for his very own in a few hours and the piling of 6 more blankets on top of him, but he was finally tucked back into his own bed by 5:15, snug as a bug in a rug...and he stayed that way until 7:30!! Woo hoo! He got his last red star (which he complains about not really being red--I guess I grabbed a different red crayon and he thought I had given him a pink star...geez, Mommy...) and the sword is now his to "fight" with.

Great...it's all fun and games until someone pokes an eye out.

The Star Chart Update #1...

...well, I am happy to report that Ben has earned 9 stars! (I'm going to go ahead and let you applaud us/him for a second...go ahead...)

Unfortunately, I could have posted this 5 days ago. That's right--we've been stuck on Star #9 for that long.

ARGHHH!!!

I thought he was getting it--I really did! He was so proud to show Hailee (via webcam) all his stars, and he still totally gets that if he gets to 10 stars, he gets his pirate sword...but he just won't do it.

For the past 4 nights, he has gotten up and doesn't seem to care that he only needs one more measly, hand-drawn star to get the prize he so desires...so I've made an executive decision. Digsby suggested that, perhaps, since right now the actual sword is intangible, Ben might not fully get it. So, I went ahead and bought the pirate sword.

This was no small feat, even at Party City. There were giant swords, swords that glow in the dark, swords that make a LOT of annoying noises, swords that have fake blood on them...but I could not find the one I am pretty sure Ben is imagining. Which I have concluded might look something like this:



So, I chose the one that looked like it could have the least amount of potential to harm him/Kitty/Mommy or break something in our house...and of course there's no picture on the website. Let's just say it doesn't look like this.

Tonight, the plan is to explain to him that the sword will be in his tiny little man hands in the morning...IF he spends the whole night in his own bed.

We'll see how this goes...